I’ve been riveted following the real-life soap opera of the Lamb family, owners of DAYSTAR Television Network. The worldwide Christian network is estimated to be worth billions of dollars and has been around since the late 1990s.

I haven’t been following this story because I like seeing dysfunction or pain. I absolutely do not. After living my own real-life soap operas during my lifetime, I have no stomach for even watching drama on TV or in movies.

I’ve been following it because it is unfolding in my own backyard here in Dallas-Fort Worth. I know people who have worked there in the past, and I unfortunately am seeing what I’ve always called “the ugly side of church” being put on full display for all the world to see. In case you don’t know, I grew up in a family of ministers and grew up in churches large and small. I think I’ve seen it all, and this is just a representation of what has been all too common but has no place in any religious organization or healthy relationship or family.

While I think it’s absolutely a great thing for abuse to be exposed, my heart also hurts for those involved who have lost everything to stand for truth.

In case you don’t know this story, I’m not going to go into detail. There are people on YouTube doing a great job covering every facet. Julie Roys of The Roys Report broke the story, and Laura-Lynn Tyler Thompson, who had a show on the Canada DAYSTAR network and has removed it and her funding of the organization once the scandal broke, is also doing phenomenal work in exposing the darkness and telling the stories of the voiceless. You can get all the details from them.

What I’ll share here is that this modern-day Christian drama involves — at the very least — a pattern of psychological and spiritual abuse along with what appears to be a cover up of a family child assaulted by another family member. Nothing has been fully investigated by law enforcement and no charges have been filed in this case. It’s all speculation at this point. However, the evidence of a pattern of abusive behavior among family members is a compelling indication that the story is true that is being told by the son — who was demoted and then recently fired by his mother because he didn’t approve of her marriage after the death of his father and wouldn’t “submit” to her authority as the “voice of God at DAYSTAR.”

This story is just a huge mess and began unfolding during Thanksgiving weekend. I often say that the holidays bring up many family issues, and I wrote about it in The Royal Holiday Survival Guide. I have some suggestions from the book that I want to share with you here about how to deal with family dysfunction and difficult people if you find yourself among those dealing with troubled family relationships.

Family dysfunction is common

We all know that family relationships should be our strongest source of love, approval and support. However, that isn’t always the case for many people.

I wish I could say that family problems were isolated cases. Unfortunately, they are not. Most of my clients have some form of family issue to work through.

Research backs up what I’m seeing antidotally. A 2019 article reported that 70–80% of Americans consider their families to be dysfunctional.

Grownups are accountable

One characteristic of an unsafe person is a lack of accountability. They refuse to take responsibility for their own actions and often blame others for everything they perceive to be wrong in their lives instead of owning their parts in situations, saying they’re sorry and trying to make things right. This lack of accountability is also a trait of someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder with features described as, “little or no remorse for causing pain to others, [and a] consistent pattern of blaming others for what happens to him/her,” according to The Complete Adult Psychotherapy Treatment Planner.

A meme I saw in 2024 said it perfectly, “Mishandling people then avoiding communication is not protecting your peace. It’s avoiding accountability.” Once you become a legal adult at age 18, you are required by society to be accountable for your actions.

Trust your gut

Often, it’s confusing to know if you have a loving family because many times control and manipulation can be disguised as love and care. I’ve seen this in the church my whole life — control and manipulation disguised as Biblical and spiritual guidance. I tell clients all the time, God gave us free will, and if he can allow us to make our own decisions, humans must do it too.

A friend of a friend had a saying that I took to heart, “If it don’t feel right, it ain’t right.”  It’s very important to love yourself first and begin trusting and paying attention to your intuition — that strange, uncomfortable, dreadful feeling you may get for no obvious reason and the small voice inside your head telling you something isn’t right. Through practicing self-love, you will become more sensitive to your own intuition and what is right for you.

As I always say, you have all the answers within — especially if you are a Christian and have the Kingdom of God within you. Going to that kingdom is all you need to do to find the answers for your life. You don’t need outside validation.  It can sometimes help to get guidance and an outside perspective from a professional counselor or coach or someone you trust who has no hidden agenda. As a transformational guide and Certified Christian Counselor, I offer suggestions and perspectives to clients all the time, but it is up to them to decide what they want to do that with information. If someone starts demanding that you do what they say —especially if they quote the Bible to support their abuse — it’s a huge red flag that you’re dealing with a mentally unstable person (at the very least) or a psychological or spiritual abuser (at the worst). You have the right to distance yourself.

Protect yourself

I talk and write a lot about establishing healthy boundaries. Unfortunately, it’s been my experience and observation that confronting these types of people will not work — even enforcing your boundaries can cause them to become verbally or physically violent.

So, how can you deal with someone like this? One option is ghosting, but I don’t recommend it. If you feel that is the best option for you and go that route, at least be a big enough person to tell them why you’re turning into Casper the (Un)friendly ghost and will never speak to them again. A letter, email, voicemail or text message will do.

It’s important to always remember that you must love yourself first and do what is best (and safe) for you — even if other people don’t like it or throw a fit. Sometimes, walking away is the most loving thing you can do for everyone involved.

However, if you are able to stay, then remember this advice from Dr. Wayne Dyer, “As the storm of a quarrel subsides, you must find a way to disregard your ego’s need to be right. It’s time to extend kindness by letting go of your anger. It’s over, so offer forgiveness to yourself and the other person and encourage resentment to dissipate. Be the one seeking a way to give, rather than the one looking for something to get.”

Family feuds require repentance & forgiveness

Injured family relationships won’t be healed overnight or in a holiday weekend. Just like it takes the body time to heal itself, there is also a process of healing that relationships need to go through. That process takes time.

I’m not sure the Lamb family situation can ever be resolved. The reason I say this is because there has to be a clear declaration of repentance from some family members — which doesn’t seem to be happening throughout this saga.

For there to be reconciliation in any relationship, there must first be repentance — stating what you did that was hurtful/offensive/wrong, saying you’re sorry, changing your behavior and doing something for the other person to try and make up for what you did to hurt them. There also has to be grace given by the person who was wronged to allow the wrongs to be made right — or at least attempt to make them right.

As you can see by my definition of repentance, it takes both parties doing something to bring about reconciliation. However, you can forgive without the other person. I would dare say that it is imperative for you to forgive — for your own peace of mind.

It’s true that you don’t have to allow people back into your life who choose to continue to walk in negative or destructive behaviors. However, you do have to forgive them so that you can move forward in the healing process.

“You know, forgiveness doesn’t mean that you are healed or totally recovered,” wrote Rev. Mark T. Barclay in his book How to Survive a Betrayal. “It doesn’t mean you have come to grips with all that has happened. It simply means, ‘I drop the charges.’”

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you approve of what someone did to you. It means that you are choosing to not allow another person’s actions to stop, destroy or control you anymore. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you stop living your life. It means that you choose to stop thinking about the injustice and move on with your life while having the hope and faith that justice will be served on your behalf one day.

Let go to live in peace

The letting go process was one that I struggled with for most of my life. In the last 20 years, I’ve watched the revolving door of people walk in and out of my world. Some of them were supposed to be forever people in my life. I had to learn the hard lesson that even those you love the most and are closest to can choose to leave. When this happens, it causes change. These changes can be difficult, but they don’t have to be. It’s all in our perception. We can choose how we view events in our lives.

I’m not suggesting that this process of letting go is easy. However, if we truly love ourselves, we will know that we have to protect our peace, dreams and physical well-being first and foremoast in the same way that we would protect someone we deeply love. When we step outside ourselves and look at our relationships like a third-party person and set and enforce healthy boundaries (the castle walls I’ve talked about), it becomes clear what we need to do, and it becomes easier when we look at the big picture of our lives.

If we truly want to shine in our own magnificence, then we sometimes have to let people go from our lives. I believe there is room for everyone to shine in their own unique gifts, talents, and magnificence. However, there are jealous people in the world who don’t want to see others succeed. They see the success of other people as a threat to their own success. They want to be the only person in the spotlight and have everyone’s attention. It’s very unfortunate when these people are family members, but they certain can be.

I’ve witnessed these types of people receive the negative attention they deserved instead of the accolades, praise and one-upmanship they were trying to get. So, karma/reaping what you sow (or whatever you choose to call it) does exist even with these types of people.

If you have to separate yourself from family members, it’s important to keep the faith that one day they will come to repentance while at the same time realizing that your destiny is not tied to another person. You deserve to be treated with basic human decency and to make your own decisions. Your life will go on — it may look very different than what you once expected it to look like, but healing and the right people and opportunities will come your way. Believe that and you will see it. Peace will be your guide and the experience will be your testimony so that you can minister life, love, healing and wholeness to those who are sent your way.

I encourage you to pray for the Lamb family that healing will come to them individually, wrongs will be made right and justice will prevail. I also encourage you to say the same prayer for your own family, if you find yourself in a dysfunctional situation. I always say, there is no fun in dysfunction in spire of it being inside the word. I also encourage you to strive for complete function in every area of your life.

Senée Seale Luchsinger is a book author, mental health professional and transformational guide passionate about helping people transform their lives and relationships. If you’d like to book a personal session with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.

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