This was originally posted in February 2018. If you’re experiencing a broken heart as we approach Valentine’s Day, I’d love to work with you to help you heal your heart and set you up to find your royal match and experience real love. I also have books available to assist you on your self-help journey.

I was grocery shopping the other day, and I was slapped in the face with Valentine’s Day items when I walked in every store … OK, so I wasn’t literally hit with the items, but it sure felt like it emotionally. My first thought (as I quickly got away from all of it) was, “Can’t we just skip Valentines this year?” Have you ever felt like that?

Now, I’m not as bad as the group of friends in the movie Valentine’s Day who gathered for the anti-Valentines party getting all their aggression and hurt feelings out by pounding a heart-shaped pinata with a baseball bat. I actually like celebrating the holiday, but the only time I’ve actually gotten to celebrate was when I was married. Seriously, when I was in the dating scene, guys would literally disappear during Christmas and Valentines then magically reappear like nothing ever happened. Something happened alright — my worth was attacked. By their actions, I was told that I wasn’t worth buying flowers or dinner for.

There is one simple truth that you need to keep in mind. At some point in your life, you have to learn to love yourself and do the things for yourself that you wish others would do for you.

If you have a Valentine’s Day broken heart or are just alone and trying to figure out what you could do differently to have healthier relationships, now is the perfect time to learn new behaviors and make positive changes. The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart is a great tool to help you do just that. Whether you’ve been hurt from romantic relationships, family relationships, friend relationships, etc., this book can help you transform and heal yourself.

I discovered some really insightful things when researching and writing that book. The first this was that being alone is not a death sentence, nor is it something of which to fear.

In a 2016 New York Times OpEd piece on why people marry the wrong person, Book Author Alain de Botton gave some profound insight into loneliness and how it can cause us to make wrong decisions. “We make mistakes, too because we are so lonely,” she explained. “No one can be in an optimal frame of mind to choose a partner when remaining single feels unbearable. We have to be wholly at peace with the prospect of many years of solitude in order to be appropriately picky; otherwise, we risk loving no longer being single rather more than we love the partner who spared us that fate.”

Another insight I gained during my research was that you really have to learn how to love yourself. I know some people who that trait seems to come naturally for them. I credit that to good parenting, but not all of us are so lucky. We have to work daily on knowing and loving ourselves. If we aren’t our biggest cheerleader and promoter, who else is going to be?

Let’s face it, people are human beings and they don’t always treat us the way they should. We have no control over their actions, but we can love and support ourselves first, then allow our significant others to be the icing on top.

If you’re having trouble getting started on the self-love journey, here are some ideas from The Princess Guide to Healing a Broken Heart:

One way to change your focus is to use affirmations. Reading these every day will begin to reprogram your brain and replace the negative tapes with positive ones. Life Coach Che Garman offers these suggestions to focus on daily:

• I allow love to find me easily and effortlessly.
• I am cherished and valued.
• I am loving and compassionate to myself and others.
• I am surrounded by people who love me.
• I am totally lovable — just the way I am.
• I am willing to love myself unconditionally.
• I am worthy of love — just as everyone else is.
• I love the negative people in my life and let them go on their way.
• I radiate love and happiness wherever I go.
• I receive all the love I need to feel cherished and appreciated.
• Love and peace surround my life at all times.
• My love life just keeps getting better and better.
• My thoughts are always loving and truthful.
• My true love is on his or her way to me.

While reading these statements may feel strange, not at all true or may feel “wrong” to say these things out loud, it’s important to speak them verbally into the atmosphere so that your ears can hear them and your brain can process them. The Bible says to call those things that are not as though they are (Romans 4:17). While it may feel like a lie or fake at first, the more you practice saying these things out loud to yourself, the sooner your heart and mind will change.

This is such an important practice that I actually create personal daily affirmations for my coaching clients. They have found them difficult to read in the beginning — and I tell them to keep reading them even if they have to say that I’m the one who believes them. However, the ones who stick with them find them a powerful tool for increasing their self-worth and transforming their lives.

My hope for you is that you feel the love you long for. I believe that if you begin giving it to yourself first, you will attract it from others and you will be able to fully receive and reciprocate it.

Senée Seale is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people create positive changes in their lives. If you’d like to book a personal session with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.